If the regular news headlines are getting you down, have a look at the "news" headlines from the alternative universe of The Onion. In The Onion Universe, orcas are put into plastic bags while their tanks are cleaned and Jesus is accidentally shot at while descending to Earth. These are the kind of absurd, farcical headlines that The Onion reports, and we can't get enough of it. So grab some snacks and get ready to transport to another, funnier world with these 20 tweets. 

Man Reveals Alleged Secret To Success Dating Apps| thumbnail text - Posted by u/mcgarrylj 20 hours ago 97 22 S 3 E I Think I Accidentally Discovered the Key to Tinder: Exclamation Points!